I know there’s people out there who doesn’t like me. and i accept the fact that tak semua org akan suka kita sebab requirement org, lain2. like i said, different people form different perspective. There’s people out there who keep reading me but at the same time keep hating me and keep feeling annoyed of my writing. I know there’s people out there who doesn’t know the difference between a joke and something that hella serious. When im joking, well yeah im joking and I know when is the time to be serious.. if they want me to be serious then ok la. Now im serious.
I know we cant satisfy all of the people around us. Its hard to please people. Some of them might feel that what we give is more than what they want. Some of them demand more. Some of them don’t even care whether its more or less. This kind of people; they accept the fact that human being are not perfect. They are ready to accept people like me. People, I do not live to satisfy all of people’s heart around me. its not that I don’t try at all. Im giving my best. i really want to please all of them. I hope im treating them equally as they are treating me. Its exhausting when we do our best but that particular people still do not satisfied and keep complaining.
Why am I blogging ah? since I started to write in blog three years ago, I don’t even expect that ill come to this point where I got my own readers and thanks, some of them are very loyal. Even though they are just silent readers. How do I know if they keep silent anyway? Look at the blog hits. thanks to them..
i don’t ask people to read my blog. But it’s a warm feeling actually to feel that there’s people want to know abt you and keep reading your writing. It feels like, you are welcomed into their life. They want to care abt you.. they want to know abt you. they want to support you.
I keep writing (since I started to write in blog) even though there’s no one knows abt my blog. No one from the fastrackers knew abt it. and actually I didn’t even want any of them to know I have a blog. I didn’t want them to know what am I writing. As I keep my feeling in it. my experiences. My emotions. My thoughts. My love story. My family. I do not write for the sake of attracting the readers. If that’s my goal, I think I might stop writing long ago.. and as I said, I do not expect them to read my writing at all.
I love to write. Really love to write. Until otai said that I bela jin because I keep updating my blog daily. Mana ada orang tulis blog hari2. (propaganda otai. padahal mana ada pun..) But yeah. i love to write rather than speak. I started to write since I was 13. I keep my own diaries and I have three to four diaries in my collection. And all of them stored lots of lots of my experiences since I was in form 1. (but then adik2, its not safe to keep your secret in that kind of book and selit2 celah baju dalam lemari okeeeyy.. copy this.. hehe.. u'd better go to online diary. its safer there.. and dont publish!!)
Sometimes ill read them back and I feel really enjoy reading it. Sometimes ill laugh and sometimes Ill cry. its funny when you read something that you wrote when you were oh god tak matured langsung. I enjoy reading how my friends fought because of a guy when I was in form 2. How my friends teased me with lots of bad words.
How a really handsome mixblood senior who looks exactly like mat saleh came to the school and became popular as he looks so stunning. Its funny because he looks exactly like mat saleh but he speaks in kelate. And what's more, he tried to approach me but I rejected him. How was the way he kept staring at me every time we bumped at the motorcycle garage. And how I regretted it for not accepting him after that. Haha. I rejected him. Because I used to hate people playing lovey dovey when they are all so young they should concentrate on their studies. And I didn’t believe in love. How I didn’t believe in man. But at the same time I fall for ken. How I really madly in love with F4 not so long time ago until I managed to save my daily allowance and bought meteor garden cds.
How I experienced my seminar with TM and how I met abg redza in the first place. How he looked at me at the first time and how I hated him a lot. but after that I managed to get along with him.
How I cried for two days losing my best friend because of leukemia. How I hate myself for not able to visit ‘her’ for the last time, not able to recite yasin next to ‘her’. How I regret it until now. How I cant forgive myself for neglecting her. How I miss her so much. How I received the sad news abt her. how I regret it until now for setting my hp to silent mode after class. Which made me ignored all the calls from my friends. How I hugged my friend tightly and cried on her shoulder after i heard the news in the next day when I entered the class but its all too late...
These are all experiences that I don’t want to forget even a bit..
That’s why I keep writing. And keep writing and keep writing everyday. because this is the way for me to express my feeling, my emotions. i write, when im sad, when im happy, when im angry with someone, when im alone. and i believe there's people out there doing the same thing. kan? Even I don’t publish it in blog, I still write but ill store them in my online diary. they are something that maybe too personal to be shared. If something that I feel, its ok to share, then yes ill share in my blog. Trying my best to put any jokes in every single post and of course in each of every post, there's hope. Hope, that people will enjoy reading it. and I found that, they enjoy it when I write abt ‘him’ and I take the risk. I keep writing abt ‘him’ and I know, when they read it, they are smiling.
And I hope to smile either, when I read it 40 years in the future. INSYAALLAH if ALLAH permits me to stay alive until then. I want to keep it. I want my children to read it. I want them to know who are the people around me. What are their names. Who are my friends. My best friends. My teachers. My lecturers =). My crush. My experiences. and I hope Ill have a chance to hear my children say “ibu, I read your blog!!” and hug my neck and kiss my cheek and after that they will ask me who is this person and that person and what happen to this person and that person. and at the same time I know I wont say “ntahlah ibu pun lupa..”. I hope, I would never say like that as I can recall it back when I read it. lagi cool if I might be able to hear my grandchildren say “nenek, nenek rocks la nenek!!” thehehe..
and forgive me if some of you feel uneasy reading my writing.. i keep saying this for so many times. i do not ask people to read my blog. i write, according to my wishes. and maybe my perspective about blog is way too different with the perspective of other people..
....
erk emo..
to be continued...
p/s : im not here to teach grammar so dont check my english lah.. =p
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