there's no holiday vacation will be held!

friends,

apparently, there's 80% possibilities that the 'holiday vacation' or whatever term it is, will be canceled. so, theres no need to be discussed anymore. somehow i feel upset and dissappointed.

no,

dont get it wrong.

its not because of you, the plan will be canceled. because we still keep on planning eventhough you said you cant make for it.

but, its because of me that is so desperate to go there without thinking that there's someone who will be married and has darah manis and she has to ask for permission from her future husband. and eventhough it was said that she was agree with the plan but at the end of the day, she said she afraid that her future husband wont let her to go there with friends.

so because i was so hoping for that, so now im dissappointed that the plan will be canceled. because there was a hope so there would be dissapointment. thats what i should feel when the mission failed to be accomplished.

please, dont feel sorry for me as maybe im not lucky to go there to see someone that i really wanted to see for a very long time. as this chance is one in a lifetime chance. so what else should i say except that im such an unlucky person to miss the one-chance-in-a-life-time and let it fly away; in front of my two eyes.

as for break, a person once told to me that, orang melayu kena grab whatever comes accross.

so, im continuing,

as im the one who desperately wanted to see that someone, therefore there's no one would understand the feel better than myself. so, no regrets for them. easy.

people say, we plan, ALLAH destines, may the prayers accompany 'us'!

but then, when theres no one prays for me to be 'us', then i should follow the destiny. and the destiny says there's no chance for 'us' to be together. i will be by myself. its not a cruel thing though. its rather a fate that i have to accept eventhough its really hard.

accept the reality and leave the fantasy behind. should, i did that from the very first place.

and a part from that, i cant be selfish too. to pull everyone that across my path to walk with me in the same path. i mean my path. as they have their own paths.

their paths are absolutely different with mine (of course!) so yeah, not being selfish is the best solution.

so, when the things have turn like this, id rather choose to cancel the vacation and find another alternatives so that i can still satisfied my needs.

thank you.

sincerely,
genie.

..............................


p/s: someone told me that people say awful things when they get mad, upset and dissapointed. i hope you dont get me wrong. im such a coward person that afraid to speak up my words and be up front the people im angry with. and its better this way because i dun wanna hurt you. people tend to say carut marut when they get mad and thats what i want to avoid.

the difference is well displayed when you express the angry in words. its not sooo spicy! just go original!

i love to be by myself when i turn angry so there's no need to ask me why i look dull. just let the temperature goes down first and believe me, i can heal the angry by myself and i dont prefer to hear any apologize.

its not that i dont want to forgive you but then, its maybe when the time you say sorry, the heat is still above the par. so, let the time cool it.

yes, i know my grandmom always said 'just forgive and forget cu..'

but i always replied with 'it takes time mek...!!'

-this is why i prefer to write. i still can make jokes eventhough im angry. imagine if i go yelling at you. still i can make jokes?-

ah, its not like that anyway. its a long time since i yelled to a friend. the yelling yelling thing had last since i was in sekolah rendah. because i usually keep it by myself. i yelled when im angry. but then its just 'specially' to my siblings.

and its also because when i get angry, i usually blame myself for whatever happened so im the one who should apologise. thats why i dont prefer to hear any apologise.

p/s : not in a good mood!