please i need some anaesthetics. -not the local one-..

i miss him. why do i love him very much i never get enough to know everything about him until i found out that he already has his baby. god, please tell me clearly, why him?

why him, god? why? why you never take him out of me? why do you let him to live in me for a very long time even though you know he has she? why god, why? now im really afraid to even live without feeling of his existence. i've been immune to live with him in my heart.god, please stop this. its really torturing. really, really torturing. please god please.

lost.
i lost myself when i know ill lose him.

im sick of crying over him everyday..

take him from me god and help me to be strong..